I Don't Want my Identity (Name) Erased After Marriage.

WOMANIST

I get pretty peculiar/am a sticklar about the spelling of Justyn's name. I mean heck, I type it everywhere, so when my friends/family spell his name incorrectly, I'm quick, and I mean QUICK to correct the spelling. Heck! I may have done it to you "Justyn*". Not because I'm trying to be mean, but out of respect for him and also his mother, who took the time to name him. By that same token, when I'm introduced to someone and I either can't hear them speaking or they're name is culturally indicative of their background, I always ask for clarification, no matter how many times it takes for me to pronounce their name correctly. Nothing boils my blood more than people tuning out someone when they're name has too many syllables for their liking and their response is "can I call u B". Wait what? Also, when people introduce themselves by a shortened name, I always ask, "what is your real name?". One, it's culturally responsive to allow someone to be themselves, ethnicity and all, and two, a lot of times they're simply conforming to American standards, so I would like to give them the opportunity to be called by their birth name if they so choose.

IDK about this whole last name change business...
After I become a married woman, I don't know if I want to change my name. I can't say I've ever dreamed of being called Mrs. (His Last). I've loved my name since forever. I enjoy that my initials are beautifully written as TJJ and that people refer to me as TJ (I think it's a cute tomboy-ish thing). I also enjoy the fact that my name is common and "regular", I suppose American-White, so people don't know my race when they see my name. I was told after I was born, I went nameless for a few days until my dad could think of something to name me. The story goes, he found my name in a baby book and liked the meaning "appearance of God" and also liked that it was an ethnically neutral name. The shortened versions of our names actually rhyme, Cliff & Tiff, my mom always says that when I'm talking with her about my dad. I've been TJJ for 25 years so far, and I don't want to change who I am. My name is the very essence of my being, the root, the foundation, people give up so much in marriage (in return for other things, yes), but I don't want to give up my identity. My child, if I have one, will have his last name for sure, I would never deny him that, but I can't promise I'm willing to change my own. I'm not such a stickler that if people accidentally/made an assumption and called me Mrs. His Last, I would correct them, because that could be emasculating to him. But I definitely will punch whomever officiates my wedding if they say "now I present to you Mr. and Mrs. His First Name, His Last name". That just goes to show you how women and our identities disappear in marriage. I'm also not anyone's possession that needs a stamp of "Return to owner" written after my first and middle name. I'm not yours, we are we, we are separate beings who come together and I want to remember that I am an autonomous being.

I read once that the last name change signified...
The father giving away his daughter to a new man, thus making the wife the husband's possession. I have this perverse image of cattle being giving away. I can't say that when my father walks me down the aisle that he's giving me away because I make the decision about who I'm going to marry, not him. It's semi-radical to have thoughts such as this, but I can't make myself do something to appease my husband's pride if it causes me resentment. Maybe my views will change after X number of years of marriage, but as for now, this is what is.