Holiday Christmas Tree Shade.

WOMANIST

Good day folks, this post has been brewing in my mind for a couple weeks now...December 20th to be exact. On this day, it was the last Friday I had to go to work until January 2nd, thanks to the school system. I'm walking down the hallway and one of the White teachers says "I like your ugh...beehive" while staring confused at my hair. It was a bun, nothing more, nothing less, a huge bun, but a bun nonetheless. Christmas day, I go to see family in the Richmond area with Justyn per the usual. As we sit at the table talking about whatever, my aunt looks at my hair and says "oh your hair...it's all in one place..." like a sideways comment/compliment of sorts. This leaves me confused as to why people decide to say things to me about my hair when they can't even find the words in their vocabulary to express their sentiments. Do not stare at my hair wildly as if it's some rare soon to be extinct animal at the zoo. What this really proves to me is that Black women have too often conformed to White standards of beauty, so much so that no one knows what to make of our natural beauty. When my hair does not fall on my shoulders in strand-like threads and become tousled with every moment I make, this doesn't give you the right to compare my hair to an insect's habitat. By the same token, it is also disheartening when a Black woman looks at my hair and says "I love your hair, it is so pretty. I can never wear my natural hair" as they wear a weave. I'm sorry, I don't understand because all I hear is "My hair is not 'good enough'". When I respond "that's not true. Everyone can wear their hair natural" there's usually another Black woman who looks like "girl please" and shakes her head hell no. Who are we as Black women to say that we can not be ourselves and that we must change to be more acceptable? 

While shopping for approximately 7 hours with my mom and Jamie one day, a dad sat on the bench while letting his daughter and son run back and forth in a non-crowded section of the mall, while their mom shopped. They were to start at the bench, run to the store main front, tag the window, then run back, to see who could "beat the other". The boy was older and he won majority of the time, but this one time, he fell and the girl beat him to the store main front. He fell pretty hard apparently, held his mouth and began to cry. The father's response "Don't cry, it's okay. Get back up, she's going to beat you". To that I looked at Jamie and said "look at how we raise our boys". We tell them to stop crying and move forward when they're hurting and in pain, don't allow that girl to outdo you. On Christmas day, my 4-year-old cousin was trying to unlock my phone and hit the emergency button instead. He wouldn't let me get to my phone and thought it was a game, until I had to drag his little butt off it to which I heard someone say "hello. 911? How can I help you?" which I had to explain that a child dialed them. (They actually came out to the house anyway, which I thought was awesome, you know like in case a battered woman or someone was lying). I told my cousin, his mom, I was going to spank him, she casually walked away and said go ahead. HILARIOUS! He was upset with me because I told his mom, as evidenced by him walking up to me while I sat on the couch, scrunching his face and staring at me like "you little heffa you got me in trouble". Our conversation went as follows...

Me: Are you angry? 

Him: shakes head yes, eyes still scrunched up

Me: You're upset with ME?

Him: shakes head yes again

Me: Would you like to use your words and tell me why you're angry

Him: shakes head no

Me: Okay, well when you're ready you can talk to me, but don't just stand in front of me like that.

Convo done.

I say this to note that, not too often do we give children, especially boys, the space to express their feelings. Then we wonder why they get into so many physical fights as they grow older....

Post summary: Know when to speak, know when to shut up. Let your words be meaningful and nothing less.